Since, I’m not biography worthy, I’d rather do an autobiography ;)

Once upon a time…

The uniforms that held us in bondage were discarded, the terrible red ribbons which in no way matched with our uniforms were thrown away and I was celebrating independence. I liked to believe so.

The ‘single-pampered-spoilt-brat’ label was getting on to my nerves and I pleaded, persuaded and pestered ( the 3 Ps of parenting the parents) to send me away from Mallu Land and away from them. Delhi University was out of question and Chennai was a dirty place. So, Bangalore seemed a safe bet with Hitler (aka my Maternal Uncle) and family appointed as my local guardians.  I had the choice of only 2 colleges, Christ and MCC. Christ is where, every B’lore Mallu and his cousin existed and I knew I wouldn’t be spared from the web of extended family  here.

MCC chics were pretty cool and my moment of epiphany happened on a particular trip to Veega Land, when the girls and boys were sent in separate buses due to several ‘concerns’. So, while grooving to the beats  in the bus, during this particular trip, I wanted to know how it would be to study in a women’s only institution.

As I walked up the drive for the first time, I fell in love with the college. The Principal tried to dissuade me from opting humanities and attempted culpable homicide by asking me to shift to Economics, Math and Stats combo instead of the artsy combo of Pol. Sci, Eco and Socio. I stood firm, for the first time in my life.

Interview done, admissions done and it was time to pack my bags and come back to Bangalore. This Bangalore was nothing like the early 90s Bangalore which I’d lived in. So, advice flew in all directions. “Be very careful, the girls are dangerous”. “People will make you fall in a trap”. ” Don’t befriend guys there”. ” Be yourself, don’t succumb to peer pressure”… sad I didn’t note down some of the hilarious ones.  Also, questions arose on why go all the way to B’lore to do a mere B.A. Many people offered their condolences on the ‘death of an engineer’ in me. ( Who decided I’d become an engineer anyway?). But none of it had prepared me for the awesomeness and awfulness I was supposed to experience in the years to come.

Hostel, college everything was new to me. The reopening session included the mandatory Retreat which I attended diligently, like a goody goody Mallu catholic girl who had just come from Kerala. From the next year, I entered the vicinity only when attendance was taken and in the final year retreat, I slept most of the time in my room.

Now, I believed my college life way cooler than everybody else’s and wrote tiny bits and pieces and spammed people’s inboxes until they issued a shoot at sight sight of mail order. And that’s how I discovered this cool thing called bragging by blogging.  Well, the main reason was a particular friend of mine, the bane of my existence in school had started a blog and received many comments. I hadn’t outgrown the ‘competition’ spirit yet, and if she could, then I should blog too.  People were generous enough to comment and encourage me those days. Arun, Kunju, Raghav, JK, Akhil.. the initial days of blogging without any apprehensions were so much fun. A big thank you to all of you who took time off your busy schedules to read a few kbs of my online trash.

And once, I began blogging, almost everything about my life is chronicled here though there has been change of urls/addresses. ( just like me). This page is like an extension of me now, though I don’t like the fact that I’m forced to keep certain opinions to myself to avoid the wrath of people I know in real life .  I already told someone off coz he’s was being a prick, picking on me and my blog entries, fb updates and tweets. Today we refuse to acknowledge each others’ presence which is very convenient for both of us.

Ya, so where was I? Meandered as usual?

By the way, its time to change the Blog headline in a few days time.  I won’t be a Mallu stuck in B’luru anymore

 

 

 

Help please

What do you say when,

Sometimes people ask, “Do you need my help?”

When they clearly expect a NO in reply

For a change, I said “Yes”

And it was fun

Food, wine and merriment

(Warning:  Directionless post ahead)

“Can I please not come”, My repeated pleas fell on deaf ears as my parents dragged me into the church to attend the baptism of a family friend’s grandchild. All this, after the previous day’s drama of finding a gift for the baby to be baptised. We had absolutely no clue about the age or sex of the baby. Plagued by the theories of socialization which emphasizes on the role of toys in identity building, my parents and me went gift hunting.

Embarrassed by the situation, the mean me disowned them for a while and loitered around the store until a specimen caught my eye. A distraught guy from CET ( don’t ask how I knew he was from CET, I’ve lived close enough to the place, long enough to identify the species) was searching for the perfect gift for his girlfriend. I kept on staring at his antics which left him embarrassed and me suppressing my laughter. The gift was wrapped in red, with a red rose on top and the guy was troubling the sales boy for a red satin ribbon and a red envelope for a greeting card , all this reddish-ness made my jaws drop to the floor. Any self-respecting girlfriend would fling the gift out of the window and dump the boyfriend for his aesthetic sense or the lack of it. Kids these days! Ah, never mind, I’ve seen worse cases of relationship induced gift paranoia. The parents finally got their gift, age- neutral gender-neutral and all that and we headed back home.

Next day, in spite of a head-ache that transpired to a stomach ache and then body-ache, my repeated requests were ignored. Powdered and perfumed, dressed, decked and accessorized I was literally pulled into the church by my parents. Sans, the niceties of it, God bless the family and the baby… ( my parents were relieved to see the gift was appropriate enough for the baby, it was ‘he’ by the way), my intention is to throw some light on the specimen you encounter on such occasions. After the final blessing, while the photographers camera assaulted the baby and family, the valiachayans, achayans and kuttiachayans disappeared into the safe confines of their four-wheelers. Obviously, to lubricate and dissolve their digestive systems which wouldn’t absorb a single morsel of food without the ‘petrol for the achayan’s soul’. Experienced valiyachayans returned steady and stable, the achayans in the making made a strenuous effort to appear stable while the kuttichayans, taking their baby steps into true achayan-hood were still learning to how to booze and not break loose.

Observing them all and making a mental note to avoid crossing paths with the who’s who present in the hall, I waited in the queue for my turn. Before I knew it, I was pushed forward step by step, my plate being loaded in the process. By the time I emerged out of the mob I was struggling to balance the plate and the high heels ( aargh Amma). As my bad luck was kharaab, I ended up right in front of the ‘local babu’ who never spares me from his annoying questions. This achayan conveniently skipped everything that happened in god’s abode above and landed on time for the lunch in the parish hall below.

“Nee maamodisa koodan vannatha?” , he drawled.

“Alla kooli pani kittuonnu nokkan vannatha”, I wanted to retort but a valicha chiri a.k.a a reluctant smile sufficed for the moment, just like smileys help you when you have nothing to say.

I was appalled by the audacity of the number of achayans who sauntered in one by one , their wifeys had to sit through the rituals in the church and busy achayans landed on time to fill their pot bellies. Anyways, whoever had walked in with high hopes of a sumptuous lunch, left with sullen faces. I’m sure even Obama and Osama would’ve struck a deal to finish off the cook, if they had to eat that abominable sorry dish of a mutton stew. When I realized, my body couldn’t take the torture any longer, I left the plate in the bin, balancing it amidst a leaning heap of plates that threatened to crash any second. Dessert looked like gulab jamun and tasted like rubber. Lets not delve into more details about it.

The caterers are the most despicable species in Mallu land these days. Add to it the extravagant people who don’t need a special reason for food, wine and merriment. I was shocked to see  chicken biriyani being served on the 41st day of my uncle’s demise. Food was wasted in tonnes for this baptism too. And there are people who get a heart-attack due to the soaring food inflation these days!

Being the season of weddings and baptisms, I am sure food, wine and merriment left many in dire straits by the end of it. Living epitomes of gluttony who binge and then rush to their docs, the ‘pressured and sugared’ ones who find it difficult to exercise self-control this season… I saw many ruthless daughter-in-laws who looked daggers at  appachans and ammachis foreseeing troubled times ahead.

Gone are those days when cooking food for the next day’s grand occasion was a celebration in itself. Tempos arrived loaded with huge vessels, people thronged the local village market, advance booking would be made at the ‘kula kada’, the pandal would be erected, family members stayed up all night to slice onions and grate coconuts over endless banter and gossip,the ‘dahannakaaaran’ or the ‘local chef’ was a VIP during the season, the plantain leaves had to be cut and cleaned,young men served the food to the guests and end of the day, the excess food was parceled to family members and neighbours. Ok I need to stop taking that trip down memory lane once again!

(PS: Not all Achayans are like that)

In retrospect

Sometimes, reacting at the spur of the moment

Makes you say things, you’d regret forever

Makes you do things which you don’t want to do…

Makes you write things which  you wish could be erased…

Makes you feel so guilty about things you did, things you said and also about things you didn’t do.

A little deliberate effort could have amended it all, yet sometimes we choose not to.

As the year comes to a close, it is an ideal time for reflection and retrospection. Make amends, apologize and move on.

The last post thus, deserves to be deleted. Too much negativity getting into me. Its not at all good especially at this time of the year. Now that the blood sucking exams are almost done I think I’ve regained senses. Nah, me thinks it was a sudden bout of ADD

Sometimes, I wish certain things in life could be ctrl+z ed too. Why is the human mind so encapsulated in the conflict between emotions and reason?

Lesson learnt: It is not necessary to blog about everything and anything.

What you learn from kids

A few weeks back I was at my cousins’ school for their Annual Sports day. Not that I was too enthufied to attend a sports day. In school, I’d hide behind the crowds so that the teacher wouldn’t pick me to run a race. I was too young to understand that ‘trying is more important than victory’ yet old enough to understand how embarrassing it was to finish at the tail end of a race. The only thing we nonathletic people had to do on sports day was to be the ‘cheering group’ or else the PT display.

Anyways, my cousins have followed my footsteps and thus, the younger one went for her PT display carrying a pack of chips and other snacks. The purpose of my going there was to pick her up from school as the van wouldn’t ply that day. Thus, I went there, awed by the changes in the school, making the right expressions of ‘wow’ and ‘nice’ so that the little ones aren’t offended. Honestly, the school and the expenses remind me of the saying, “kaashu koduthu kadikkana patti vangikkua.” Out of the minimal working days they have 1/4th constitute some or the other celebration and the remaining days the cousins claim,” Today we enjoyed so much in class… nothing to do”. This is the case in a reputed convent run school here which have supermodels and PETA activists to claim in their alumni. The school is doing a good job at molding them too.

I was there feeling like a misfit amidst the various types of mommies and daddies. Kids displayed their athletic skills after which the chief guests and nuns displayed their oratory skills. The poor kids had enough, sitting in the hot sun. They just wanted to get over with it and head back home. Anyways, after waiting for ages, the ‘sports day’ ended after everyone was given a fair chance to display whatever ‘skills’ they possessed.

I was walking along with my cousins and witnessed a scene like this:

A kid (kid 1) was walking with her mother. Her friend came in the opposite direction and the mother of (kid 1) asked the friend (kid 2) the usual questions like ‘hi-how-are-you’

I don’t know what transpired between them but kid 2 continued walking and kid 1 yelled  ‘Have some manners ya. Is this how you speak to elders, at least give my mother a proper response and go’

The mother was embarrassed on the sudden outburst and tried hushing her daughter but I really admired  kid 1′ s guts. She stood up for what she believed was right.

It just reminded me of a similar incident that took place sometime back.

We were talking to the daughter of a so called acquaintance. She is as old as me. She has been here for a couple of months and we ran into each other in a rather unexpected place. Anyways, the daughter was with her friends and she was asking about where we stayed. Amma gave her the name of the location yet, the daughter started arguing with Amma about the name of the place. She was hell bent on making us accept that the name of the place was the one she said. Now who would know better about the name of the place we lived? My mom who has stayed here for 10+ 1 1/2  years or she who came here a few months back.What was the need for her to argue on such a trivial matter and that too in front of her gang of friends. What difference would it make for her? Yes,  sometimes I’m really embarrassed the way my generation behaves!

I wish I had guts like the kid to retort and teach her a lesson. That 7 year old kid had more sense than me. Me, thrice her age didn’t stand up for my mom, just chose to ignore it and gave up. Guess it isn’t so nice to be nice in this world these days.

Protected: Random Rant

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Rant

I need to do this or else I’ll end up hurling abuses at people in my growth and development paper tomorrow. Questions on critically examine ‘x’ s theory ( note: x=43 in this case..43 theories.. KILL ME) will be answered as Ricardo was out of his mind or Tobin himself had no clue what he was talking about. Anyways, there are only three kinds of people in this planet earth who bring out the worst in me.

1) Auto drivers

2) College and a few people associated with it

3)  Right now every person who formulated a growth theory to make my life miserable. Rather the University people who included all this in our syllabus which is pointless.

All I can think of critically examining is ‘its useless, meaningless, pointless, worthless’. With due respect to all the economists, I have to confess, seriously I don’t understand why their research got so much recognition ( in our syllabus) when it holds no value in the current world. As I’ve mentioned in my previous blog, I’m sure these growth economists were venting their personal egos rather than doing original research. That reminds me that I don’t understand their fascination with the word ‘vulgar’. While criticizing each other, every other person’s theory happens to be a ‘vulgar’ theory according to them. Speaking of the interesting usage of words by Economists this one takes the cake. Ms.Joan Robinson and her ‘ Bastard golden age’. I’m in love with this lady. Of the very few lady economists I know, she is one with lot of guts. Her writings and open criticisms makes me go :O

Now, I wouldn’t have hated these growth theorists if not for my Lect. This person stays 10 miles away from anything that has got mathematical equations in it and thus, a major portion of our syllabus was left for self-study coz we aren’t supposed to be spoon-fed at PG level. What a dumb excuse. For people like me who survive only on class lectures and hate to read anything that has to do with the course subject, this is torture.

The other day I just realized how ‘hypocritical’ people in my college are. My college happened to be my centre for this particular exam I was writing and I was shocked to see the happenings there. Since, I remain invisible in that place especially with my obsessive bunking disorder, these people didn’t recognize me (luckily). The dedication and sincerity with which they were ushering people, showing directions… the wholehearted service left me in tears. One person was kind enough to show me the very classroom where I shuttle up and down everyday I college. Sigh

The tears turned into exasperation  when I had to travel for 2 hours and wait for the’ HALL TICKET’, right on the day before the exam ( today). And, they treat us like some third rate citizens.  Not that I’d have spent those hours in ‘productive activities’ but I could’ve spent that time to finish a few more pages of ‘Godfather’. It keeps me sane.

The worst part of it all was the decision to hire an auto to get back. The bloody jerk had a dysfunctional meter and had the nerve to ask me for extra bucks. I just paid the exact amount and scooted from the place after screaming at him. He almost knocked down a girl in a scooty and fled from the place. Contrary to my ‘why chumma get into trouble attitude’ today my temper was so high that I shouted at him for that too. I’m glad I did that. My troubles with auto drivers here never seem to end.

Anyhow, some days are just meant to be like this and I post stuff that makes people think I’m a misanthrope. Can’t complain, can I?

So where did I begin. Ya.. growth and development. Time to cram useless stuff and answer questions like ‘what was Smt.Joan Robinson’s contribution to theory of capital accumulation’. Smt.Joan Robinson? Seriously? reinforces my belief that our university murders Economics and Economists.

"What will I do without the internet

for a day or worse longer than that?”

I’ve asked this question myself numerous times over the past few years.
Now I know the answer…
I survived… 3 months to be exact. And I feel LOST.

Catching up on all that I missed so far. At least I’ve something worthwhile to do for the rest of my vacation that went wasted.

PS: Just making my presence felt in this place

Adios-08

1. What did I learn?

3 semester exams, 17 subjects… pheww… thats a lot to learn .
Other lessons in life which were meant to teach me something were soon unlearnt, the paradox that life is.

2. What did I accomplish?

Couple of flukes in JJ’s list of achievements . Included a quiz finals when the person on my left won the first place and the person on my right won the 3rd place with the help of my pass questions .

Did accomplish a few things and waiting for the results of one of those. I seriously hope I get through. * author adds request for your humble prayers*

Apart from that I broke the window pane of our new abode twice within 2 months of shifting( the CED people in our colony have warned me), burnt the geyser ( owing to short term memory loss), DID NOT lose my phone or keys, shed the 12 kilos I gained in 3 years in hostel within 6 months of leaving the hostel[ women and their weighty issues ], DID NOT crash our PC even once while tampering and trying to be the self-proclaimed technically challenged geek, DID NOT have an attendance shortage.

3. What would I have done differently?

Apologize when necessary instead of clinging onto my ego, chosen a few words carefully, let others know what I felt instead of just ignoring them straightaway. I was not a people’s person last year and I did pay a heavy price.

4. What did I complete or release?

Completed 21 years of earthly existence, released nothing.

5. What were the most significant events of the year past?

The Jinx and 3 transfers.
Mended certain strained relationships.
I was at a risk of losing a year. Thankfully, I did not. Sad part is I couldn’t appear for any of the entrances of my dream universities and had to go for the available options. Beggars can’t be choosers… that stood true in my case.

6. What did I do right?

All of what I did, that didnt go wrong.

7. What were the fun things I did?

As the first part of the year marked the end of my hostel life, there were lots of fun things I did to end it all with a bang. Listing it here can be risky since I still get visits from that network.
College was fun, bunking, laughing our guts out after a particular macro paper as none of us knew what exactly happened in those 3 hours, stats class nightmares, the 50 things to do before you pass out of this college thread in every single micro class of this sem…

8. What were my biggest challenges/roadblocks/difficulties?

The risk of losing a year, the uncertainties of my future, the constant family dislocations.

9. How am I different this year than last?

No difference in me… maybe less lazy, now that I am outta hostel.

10. For what am I particularly grateful?

God, family, friends who stood by me in every decision I made, every risk I took and saw me through the toughest times. Precisely, for everything!

HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE…

Random jot-2

* Approximately 20 days, 5 subjects, 5 assignments plus presentations and 1st internals. That just explains where on earth I had disappeared. If someone told me that you get more free time during exams I couldn’t agree more. 3 posts during my sem exams and just a single post in 2 months after that, isn’t that proof enough?

* If you want to witness how people change their colors like chameleons all you got to do is travel from B’lore to Kerala on an overnight journey.

*It’s been almost 6 months since the new coaches with 81 berths were introduced by the Indian Railways. The confusion still remains.

* During the journey from Blore to Tvm, I came across the most confused family. The hubby, the wifey, the wifey’s sissy, 2 kids and a maid. The 81 berths were creating enough chaos and the confused family added fuel to the fire. They seemed to occupy every seat ranging between 10 and 20. Hubby was dazed, wifey was giving her opinions and the sissy was trying to be intelligent. The 3 of them had no clue and neither did they bother to listen to co-passengers who offered them some amount of common sense. The wifey and sissy start cribbing in perfect Hindi, oblivious to the fact that a great deal of Mallus today, do understand and talk our -rashtra bhasha. The confused hubby continues his search for the proper berths, leaves the bags on the aisles, drawing the wrath of every sane person who happened to be there and vents his frustration. The wifey now comes up with a remark loud and audible enough,” Mal’yali’ Buddhi” Since when my dear, did Lalu become a mallu? Every ounce of my true blue mallu blood boiled in spite of the chilly weather. The 40 kilo something, 5 feet nothing needs to be taught a lesson before degrading her own origins like this. Hen pecked hubbys like this get married to the mallu preferably born and brought up outside Kerala and procreate an entire generation who are alienated from their roots. Common sense prevailed over ignorance. She was just another idiot in the gang. The unreasonable sense of superiority the so-called fraud mallus have over their country cousins. Just because you talk English with an accent and Hindi without a Mallu accent doesn’t make us less knowledgeable and ‘budhi’less as you think sicko!

* Christmas in Kerala as always! It was awesome… lesser mortals like us still wait in the queues for hours, exactly 90 days before the onset of xmas holidays to book our tickets undeterred by distorted opinions and misleading info on how Kerala is no-longer a safe place.

* It feels so good to be back home with the three of us together after almost 6 months. The transfer jinx doesn’t seem to have worn off. Calicut it is! 6th one in 2 years * sigh*. The house felt abandoned. Procuring brooms and mops, cleaning up every inch of our compound, dusting every piece of furniture before we settled, washing every utensil, the Jinxed Josephs were in full action on xmas eve. Home is where the heart is… I guess now I understand what it means.

* Another school reunion, meeting up old friends…made me realize what an anti-social animal I had been for the past one year. One of my New Year resolutions is to make up for it.

* A certain customer of BSNL broadband connection had the JTO and other customer support executives on tenterhooks before she fixed the problem herself (by changing some settings). The losers almost made me call up the computer service people and change my LAN card after 4 days of struggle to fix the problem. This achievement made me feel like a genius considering the technically challenged person I am.

* My blog celebrated its 2nd birthday 2 days back. The first b’day was missed coz at that time I didn’t know that people actually celebrated blogs’ birthdays. One thing I hate when kids grow up is the transition from a carefree life to conformity. I feel the same about this blog . A big thank you to each one of you who read all that I rambled on, kind enough to drop a comment, offered valuable advice on the art of blogging and encouraged me to write.